I want to cry. My entire being resists the release. Almost always, anger steps in. I switch from hurt to hunting for annoyances. I find so many of them. My heart beats faster, my frown grows deeper, and my voice gets louder. Then I find myself: lost so far down a regressed state that I am a child. I slip into sadness. I can't cry. Maybe I don't want to. I light a joint. The one I refused at the beginning of this. I don't want to depend on anything. I want to stop crying all by myself.